Who The Hell Do You Think You Are??!!
During my time of self-reflection, aka sitting in my car alone for hours on end, I had the epiphany that I had allowed my career to become my identity. This also applies if you have set all of your expectations and validity for a partner, children, and social life.
Who experiences this the most? Nearly everyone. When a job, person, societal pressure, or idea takes up the majority of your thoughts and choices, you might be struggling.
Let’s focus on the job aspect. What are the signs that your job has become your identity? Do any of the following traits apply to you?
All of your goals are tied to your career
You bring work home with you. Whether it's taking up rent in your head or you’re working after hours at home. How much do you think about your job outside of the office? Is your mind frequently consumed with work-related thoughts? Is it difficult to participate in conversations with others that are not about your work?
Where do you spend most of your time? Has anyone ever complained that you spend too much time in the office?
Your identity has become your job title. How do you describe yourself to others? How quickly do you tell people you’ve just met about your job and do conversations constantly revolve around your job? How do you describe yourself to others?
You can’t sleep.
It affects your relationships.
How would you feel if you could no longer continue in your profession? How distressing would this be to you?
Do you have hobbies outside of work that do not directly involve your work-related skills and abilities? Are you able to consistently spend your time exercising other parts of your brain?
I identified nearly all of these traits, especially numbers 4, 7, and 8. However, I forgot my values, and I allowed the following situations to guide my self-value.
Several factors can launch you into an unbalanced relationship with yourself. The work culture in many high-pressure fields often rewards working longer hours with raises, prestige, and promotions. Certain careers or career achievements are often highly valued in an individual’s family or community, and when high-pressure jobs are paired with a big paycheck, individuals can find themselves launched into a new socioeconomic class.
How do you begin to bring your life in balance again? You can certainly be happy while doing what you love to do or even after you have retired or had a career setback.
Bringing balance to your life is the key. I drew a line in the sand to bring more joy into my life. When I identified my values and skills, I was able to begin enjoying life again. I stopped caring about how others valued me based on my career. How many times when you have met someone for the first time have they asked you, “What do you do?”? Essentially, that is how someone is “worthy” or of “value” to them. People always want to know how you’re bringing in money and how much you have. Sad, isn’t it? I have a friend who introduced me to one of their friends and they asked me, “What do you do?” Before I could answer, my friend introjected and said, “Oh, she’s doing her own thing.”. What????? Let me answer for myself. By this point, I was not embarrassed that I was DoorDashing to make ends meet. I have reached the point where I have my identity in check. It took a lot of tears and a lot of introspection to get to this point.
The turning point was when I was crying in my car, and I screamed, “What is the point of being here if I can’t do what I love? What is the point of this life?” A literal primal scream. That is how much I had tied up my identity with my career. I was resentful that I had to “DoorDash” and I was unable to land the jobs that I had interviewed for. I was “too good” for this. It was a lot like death. The death of the idea of who I thought I was and instead finding my true worth through my values. Never fear, the Universe guided my way through it. I had to reach “bottom” to find myself again. I had to work on myself because no one was going to do it for me. Face it: wherever you go, there you are.
I am proud of the job titles that I earned, the accolades that I achieved, and the events that I produced! I am proud of the skills that I learned throughout my career and I will use those skills for other aspirations. However, those accomplishments are NOT values.
Throughout life you’re going to experience lots of changes which include choosing friends, and partners, the dissolution of relationships, loss of a job, disappointments, and eventually retirement. Once you find your values/identity it makes it so much easier to navigate through life. It sure has made my life easier!